Amanda
by SVU-intelligence-CM-ouat
Summary: Amanda has a secret, several actually, and they all come to the surface at the same time. Who are the only people able to help? The SVU squad. Chapters 3 and 4 are new. R&R. Story is reuploaded.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm going to reupload this story with a lot of changes, the first time I just didn't like the direction it was headed. So if anyone likes this, just let me know and I'll continue. Also any tips would be greatly appreciated. Adrianna is 15, Amanda is 29, Riley is 4.**

**CHAPTER 1**

**ADRIANNA'S POV**

I was walking through our small three bedroom apartment looking for Riley, he got to stay home today with me. We were playing hide-n-go-seek and he was doing pretty well for a three year. After five minutes I came to my sisters' room and I could see his feet poking out from underneath the bed. I decide to go to the closet, and throw open the door, and say "are you in here?" he starts giggling. I then go to the bed and do the same thing to the covers, with more giggling coming from under the bed. I then go to the curtains, with the same results.

Eventually I run out of places to look, so I go to the edge of the bed and grab his legs pulling him out. He starts laughing really hard, also making me laugh. After a while of rolling around on the floor giggling like crazy, we decide to go to the park across the street for a while to get rid of a lot of his energy.

After an hour or so at the park we go to get a corndog before walking back to the apartment. I decide to check the mail before heading up in the elevator. In the elevator Riley asks me to pick him up, because 'he's so tired, he would fall over if he had to stand even a second longer.' I do and on the way to the apartment I look at the mail. One was addressed to Amanda with no return address.

Once inside our house I lay Riley down to take a nap, then I go back to the bar with the mail on it. I know it's wrong but I open up the letter anyways, something about it gives me a bad feeling. What I see inside horrifies me but it's not the content itself, it's a picture of her along with a dark haired, tan skinned guy I can only assume is also a detective like her. It also has a note attached to it, which reads:

How do you like the big city so far? It's been pretty great for me so far. You know I never liked Georgia, but I had to stay to watch you. I love you Amanda have a great day, and I'll talk to you in a bit.

I think it over and this can't possibly be the first one she's gotten. So I decide to go look through her room to see if she had kept the rest of them. I turned her room upside down, but didn't find anything. So I decided to go look in her closet. There they were, behind her clothes and shoe boxes.

There were hundreds upon hundreds of pictures along with videos, each one with a note to go along with it. I decided to take them to her work, because I knew if she were to find out I knew she'd just tell me she had it under control and not to worry about it. The people she worked with though would agree with me and say she needed to find this guy and put him away; it is their job after all.

By the time Riley woke up from his nap at two I had looked through most of them, some dating back to her time in high school. I put all the pictures and such back up and grabbed his bag, I told him we were going to visit mommy and see her new work. He was really excited, as he loved the fact that mommy was like a superhero and got all the bad guys.

When we finally got down the stairs and into the cab, I gave him the address for the precinct and were on our way. He kind of looked back at us funny, but didn't question it. When we got there I got us both out and went to the trunk to get the box and we went inside. We've never been here before and I doubt her team knows either of us existed, mostly because Amanda doesn't trust many people to really know her and know the things she cares about. As I was thinking the ding sounded notifying us that we had reached our destination.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

When we got off the elevator on the SVU floor I see the man who was in the picture with Amanda.

"Hi sir, do you work with Amanda Rollins?" I questioned him when I got up to his desk.

"Yes I do, do you need something? Need me to find her?" he asked, with these big brown imploring eyes, which could make a nun crumble.

"Actually I would like to speak with you." I sit down because Riley was getting really heavy to hold after carrying that box all this way, "see the thing is my name's Adrianna, and I am Amanda's sister. I went to check the mail today and I found this." I show him the picture along with the note.

"Wait a second let me get my partner..Olivia, get over here." When she does. She shows him the stuff to him and he tells him who I am.

Just at that second Amanda comes around the corner, seeing Riley and me standing there she rushes over and pickes Riley up.

"Mommy I missed you," he shouts and gives her a big hug. At that proclamation the detectives look at her with big eyes, but she doesn't pay any attention to them.

"Adri, what happened? Why are y'all here?" she asked checking over both kids to make sure they were okay.

"Amanda why the hell didn't you tell me about all of this?" I shove the picture into her face just as she sets Riley down, "Why would you hide this? What if you would've been hurt?"

"It's not a big deal, I have it under control. Besides it was just one picture." She replies, shaking her head as if it didn't matter.

"Oh yeah, the only one? What about this whole box full, is that from someone else?" I say, I'm almost visibly shaking from the anger at the fact she doesn't care about her personal safety.

"Okay listen, I thought he wouldn't follow me here. That's the first one since we've been here for three months. I thought it was finally over, but I guess I assumed wrong. I'm sorry Adri, I really am."

When she was finished speaking she looked to the floor where her baby boy sat, the only thing good that had come out of everything to do with Georgia. She picks him up finally and starts rubbing his back as he babbled on and on about their day and how excited he was to see where she took down the bad guys at, she just nodded her head and smiled at what he said.

The detective that talked to me in the first place asked Amanda if he could go through the stuff. She seemed pretty hesitant but when she turned to me and saw the look of desperation on my face she caved and allowed the people she worked with, whom she respected and had to see every day, see the worst moments of her life.

"Hey Adri, can you take Riley to that conference room over there, there should be some toys and books to occupy him for a bit." When we walked away she turned back to the detectives to discuss everything.

**AMANDA'S POV**

"Guys, the stuff on the notes and pictures, they aren't pretty. A lot of stuff shows the worst side of me, and I just want y'all to prepare yourselves for some of it. I mean it's nothing worse than what we see every day, but since you know me it's a little different."

"It's all gonna be good girl, we're gonna get this guy then you and those adorable kids can get on with your lives." My partner, Fin says placing his arm around my shoulders, he said it with such conviction that I really started to believe that "we got you."

The others nodded their heads, as if saying that they agreed.

"But Olivia, could you go over the ones from when I was younger?" she kind've looks at me, wondering what had happened to me. It quickly went away and she just nodded her head. "I labeled all the boxes in which years I had received them."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

"Rollins when did this all start?" Nick turns to me, I expected pity in his eyes but that's not what I saw at all, he had this look of hatred and anger that surprised me.

"I think the earliest one was from right after I turned sixteen in 2003, the picture was like two weeks after and it was two girlfriends and I tanning on the beach."

"Sixteen are you serious? This guy has been following you, stalking you for over ten years and you never once told anyone? How did your parents not know?" he practically yells at me.

"It's not that hard to hide when you have parents who don't care." I say flippantly as if it doesn't still bother me that my parents never gave a shit about me. They were both to concerned with their own problems, pills and gambling.

He goes to say something smart, but it dies on his tongue when the words sink in about my parents and he just bows his head and says, "sorry."

"Okay lets start shall we. Amanda when there are other people in the pictures we don't know we're going to need you to identify them, so if you just wanna go in there with the kids till we have them all sorted out that'll be fine." Olivia says as she goes for the box labeled '2003-2004'.

"Wait before we get all into this...Manda how did we not know you had a son or a kid sister living with you?" of course my partner would be the one to come out and ask that, "what if something would've happened to you on the job?"

"Well guys I have taken precautions, I have a will and a trust fund for both. Plus if I were to die they would go to live with my older brother and his girlfriend, they live on the base up here." Wait crap this is a lot to throw at them at once, with all my family.

"I don't mean to get in your business but is the father in Riley's life?" Nick asks.

"No." I can't stand them looking so I say something about going to check on them and turn around to walk towards the conference room. I hate people finding about my life, it seems like everyone runs away when they learn all about me, and I really like and respect these people and I don't want them to do that.

When I get in the conference room, Adri is reading Harry Potter to Riley. His eyes light up at the way she reads the story, giving every character a different voice. She briefly looks up at me but I just nod my head, showing that everything will be okay. We're strong, we've been through worse and we'll get through this too.

He's so into the book that for a while he doesn't even notice me, but when he does he's up and running at me full speed, he almost knocks me to the floor. "Mama Mama! I wanna be a wizad and go to Hogwats." He says excitedly and starts explaining everything about it to me, in all of his excitedness I can barely understand half of what he says. But that doesn't matter because I just love seeing him happy and so full of life. Adri comes to sit next to us, and she continues to read while I hold Riley. Just as I'm starting to get into it, Olivia tells me she needs me to identify the people in the pictures so I put Riley down with the promise of being right back.

NICK'S POV

"I can't believe this has been going on since she was sixteen." Olivia says after going through about half of the pictures from the first two years. Most of them we will need Amanda to identify the people in them. There are quite a few with a boy who I'm guessing is her boyfriend from all the touching and kissing. He looks really big, not fat just tall and built, he has milk chocolate skin and a small amount of hair on top of his head. "Guys, Amanda was a bad kid." Fin says laughing showing a picture of her climbing out of the window, with her hands around some guys neck.

"Hey wait guys, we need to be respecting her wishes for only Liv to look at those. We don't know what's in her past, and she obviously doesn't want all of us to know." I say, voicing my thoughts about them showing them her life.

"Well Nick we're all gonna see them, no matter what. It's part of the case and we have to look over every single one. I know she likes her privacy but for the sake of this investigation, she's going to have to get over it." Olivia says, "But we do need to take it more serious."

"I'm sorry I just hate going through a co-workers personal life. Like we spend so much time together as it is, it's hard to keep anything private." I reply.

For the next ten minutes or so we continue looking, but then Olivia decides that we should go ahead and let Amanda tell us who some of these people are, and her connection to them.

When Amanda gets out here, I show her a picture of her with a man in a Marine Corps uniform and a short red headed woman with freckles with Amanda at an airport. They all have tears in their eyes, and the marine has a bag slung over his shoulders.

"That's my brother Ricky, he's my mom's oldest and I'm not sure who his dad is, and that's his girlfriend Kennedy. He was being deployed to Afghanistan that day." We move on to the picture of Amanda climbing out of the window.

"That would be Riley, he was my boyfriend until I turned twenty, he was twenty-one. He has just picked me up and it was raining really hard, this car swerved into our lane as we were driving over a bridge. We went right over the side, he got me out but then got caught on the car and drowned." I can tell Amanda has detached herself from this conversation by her flat voice.

"Okay there are just a couple more here that we've gotten through and then we'll take you and the kids home, alright?" I feel dumb coddling her, Amanda Rollins and coddling do not belong in the same sentence.

She just nods her head, so I show her the next one of her and a girl who looked to be the same age with jet black hair and sea green eyes, she had freckles covering her face. Both of the girls had bikinis on, jumping into a pool holding hands.

"That would be my best friend since first grade, Aaliyah, we were always placed in the same classes and we got in so much trouble for talking and cutting up in class. She actually lives in DC now, she works in the Secret Service." She takes the initiative after that pointing out people and telling us a little about each person.

"Okay that's enough for tonight, it's almost 9 and those kids should probably get home," Olivia says. I look into the conference room where we can see Adri with her head leaned against the seat with Riley laying on her chest sound asleep. "Nick would you mind taking them home, Fin and I need to stay just a little while longer."

I just nod my head before grabbing my coat and badge off my desk. While I was doing that Amanda went to wake up Riley and Adrianna and get them into the bullpen where Amanda grabs some stuff off her desk before heading to me. She's holding a lot, so I offer to carry some. Normally she would've told me no but she's so emotionally drained; she passes it over without arguing.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

**AMANDA'S POV**

I could tell that Nick had more questions about everything, I mean who wouldn't? Luckily though he waited until both of the kids had crashed in the backseat, "I don't mean to intrude or anything so if I'm overstepping to much you can tell me. But really why have you never told us about either of them?"

I'm sort of shocked he just comes out and says it, I figured he would've slowly walked his way into the conversation. "See the thing is it has just been us. Neither of their fathers have ever been involved, my mom won't even admit any of us are related to her, I won't let Kim around them for obvious reasons, and then my brother and Kennedy always have stuff going on. I've never been able to count on someone, and I'm okay with that, it's better that way. My whole life, I've never counted on anyone except Ricky, well until he joined the Marines, and then after that it's been me alone, looking out for myself and not counting on anyone. It's just hard to trust people is all, and I do trust y'all it's just these kids are the only thing good to come out of my life."

I don't look towards him; maybe I'm the one who's shared too much. He probably didn't need to hear about my whole family. "I'm sorry." And I look away sheepishly watching the cars coming towards us.

"No it's fine, I get it. It's hard to get me to even leave Zara alone with her babysitter, who I've known for about three years. I just want you to know, if you ever do need help you can trust me. Even though it's hard, everyone needs someone to help them or just listen."

I'm also surprised he's being so nice about everything, he's normally such a hot head about everything, especially when it has something to do with the team. We make the turn on to our street and he parks right in front of the apartment.

I turn around and groan, it's going to be rough getting these kids up to our door, like me they're both very hard sleepers. I guess Nick notices and offers to help with them, so he goes to Riley's door and I go to Adrianna's. While I'm trying to wake her up, Nick just picks him up and waits by the front door. Finally I manage to get Adri into a semi-awake state, and we begin to walk into the apartment.

As soon as we are inside Adri goes to fall asleep on the couch, so I walk her to her room at the very end of the hall. I get back and Nick is still standing there just holding Riley, humming a tune, and rocking him back and forth. I reach for him, but Nick offers to tuck him into bed.

We put him to bed together, I kissed his forehead, and then we walked into the living room.

"Would you like a glass of wine, beer, or some water?" I asked walking towards the kitchen.

"Beer is good," he answers as he sets at the bar, "thanks."

"So you have got to have more questions. Might as well start now." I look up to him, and to his credit he has the decency to look embarrassed.

"Okay, but if you don't want to answer me you can just tell me to stop. But it will come out soon, sadly everything in your whole life will come to light and I am so sorry about this because that can't be easy for someone as private as you."

"I would rather just tell you and get it over with. I feel that it would be a lot easier to just tell one person that tell a room full of people. So shoot."

"Okay, how did you come to have Adrianna?"

"She was born when I was fourteen. I never found out who her father was but after she was born I know mama started drinking more, sleeping around a lot. When I left for college all I could think was I'm finally free. I forgot that I would be leaving my four year old sister alone with my mom, Kim, and all of my moms men. She called me three weeks later, I don't even know how she got the phone to work, begging for me to come get her."

"Wow.. she's pretty impressive."

"wait.. not finished. I get there maybe 3 o'clock in the morning and she was standing outside in the rain, while my mom had a guy in the house and she didn't want her ruining the mood. I took her with me then and she hasn't been back since." I had to wipe my eyes because of the steady stream of tears flowing from my eyes.

Nick gets up and wraps his arms around me, normally I would pull away but it felt so nice to finally start to letting go of all the pain and heartache in my life. "Amanda, you are so strong, so many bad things have happened in your life and you don't deserve that. Why don't you go to sleep? You look like you could use the rest."

"Yeah, why don't you sleep on the couch. It's probably better at this time of night. There are blankets and pillows in the closet right behind it, feel free to make yourself at home." I start to walk to my room and as I get to the doorway I turn around, "Thank you Nick for listening and helping me tonight. It really means a lot to me."


End file.
